Nobody really wants enlightenment in the real sense! They just want it as a utility or to keep in their showcase!
Understand, God gives you the freedom to be in bondage also. Enlightenment can never be forced on you. If it is forced, even freedom will become bondage.
There are two things, qualification and wanting.
There is no qualification needed for enlightenment, but the deep feeling, the deep wanting that ‘I want it’, should be there.
Please be very clear, I also had ALL the problems that you are having like not being able to trust Existence or not being able to trust myself, I had everything. All I can say is, there is no qualification for enlightenment. For somebody to become enlightened, they do not need any qualification.
It is like winning a lottery ticket! Can anybody say, ‘I worked for the lottery ticket, I went and bought it and deserve to win the lottery. My effort is equal to the prize!’? No! What is the qualification for the 100 million dollar lottery? You just need to buy a ticket, that’s all! The work that you do is too small for the result that you get. Your effort is not equal to the result. It is the same with enlightenment. So enlightenment is always like a lottery. The experience is always so much more than any and all effort you make on the spiritual path.
Once the experience happens, you will understand that it is a blessing. Whatever you do until then is nothing more than buying a lottery ticket. The person who bought a lottery ticket cannot say he won the lottery because of his hard work.
Ramana Maharishi sings a beautiful poem to Arunachala, the sacred hill manifestation of Shiva in the temple town of Tiruvannamalai in South India. In it he sings, ‘I gave me and got You. So who is the winner? Who is more intelligent!’
Enlightenment can be had by giving yourself to Existence. Giving yourself is not an equal thing for what you receive. Even if you give your life, it is nothing more in effort or value than buying a lottery ticket.
After it happens, you will understand that the whole thing is nothing but the pure grace and blessing of Existence. The result or the transformation will be so big, so great that you can’t think of a reason why you were chosen for it, why it was showered on you! No qualification is necessary, but the deep need, the seeking is necessary.
Fulfillment is always a gift. To receive a gift, there is no such thing as being worthy.
Seeking is feeling the void, the emptiness, because you don’t have the spiritual clarity and enlightenment as yet. The urge should become urgent.
The enlightened master, Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, used to say, ‘Suppose you are living in poverty, dying with no food and no clothes. But somehow you know that there is a lot of wealth kept locked in the next room. Even if you take it nobody will know. Will you be able to sleep restfully now? Either you will try to open the door or you will break down the door. Unless you have that wealth under your control, you will not be able to sleep.’
In the same way, you should know you are in spiritual poverty right now. You should know that inside you there is a room in which there is immense wealth that is kept under lock and key. That knowledge, that attitude, that intensity, that mood is a basic necessity. With that, the seeking can simply transform your whole life.
Your dedication is powerful enough to lead you to enlightenment.
Actually, enlightenment is practically like cooking. Something has to be added, something has to be removed. You have to add the intense seeking. Whatever is unnecessary, like restlessness, etc., will come out automatically, and enlightenment will happen!
source: Living Enlightenment