Technique to flower in your relationships

Now I wanted to give you the meditation process to experientially flower in true love, in relationships.

The first step: Look in and pen down –

• What you feel about you when you are with that person with whom you are in love,

• What you feel about you when you are not with that person with whom you are in relationship, and

• How you show you to that person. Pen down all these.

• How that person perceives you, and

• How you perceive that person.

Pen down all these five points independently. And look in, what are the conflicts and incompletions between these five answers. Look in, when you started developing those incompletions in you.

I will repeat the instruction.

• What you feel about you when you are with that person? – First question.

• What do you feel about you when you are away from that person? – Second question.

• How you show you to that person? – Third question.

• How that person perceives you? – Fourth question. 

• How you perceive that person? – Fifth question.

See all these five questions are answered authentically, and sit and see in these five answers wherever the conflicts, contradictions, incompletions are there, pen them down, and look back how you developed those incompletions, and re-live those incompletions within you. Re-live again and again, and relieve.

Let me elaborate instructions on incompletion. When I say “incompletion”, the conflicts, contradictions you have, contradictions, conflicts, how you feel about you, but how you project you to that person. You don’t need to project you to that person in the same way you feel about you, because what you feel about you itself is not completely true. So, I am not asking you to just project you to that person as you feel about you. No! I am saying, first of all, complete even the way you feel about you. Bring Completion into that. There are a lot of incompletions, factual errors, the way you feel about you. Re-live all the incompletion memories, the way you feel about you, and relieve. And, let all these five be aligned to each other – the way you feel about you when you are alone, the way you feel about you when you are with him or her, the way you project you to the other person, the way the other person understands you, and the way you understand the other person. Let all these five be brought to Completion, to sync to Oneness. Whatever contradictions, incompletions you have in these five answers, dig out how these incompletions came in your system, what are the patterns, incidents, when you developed these incompletions in you. Go back to your memories. See why, when, how you developed these incompletions, contradictions, conflicts. Re-live those incidents, and relieve those incompletions. Bring Completion within you, then sit with the other person, help the other person to come to the space of Completion with you. That is what is “completing with the other person”.

Please understand, this meditation process has to be done together. First, you bring yourself to Completion, and help the other person to bring Completion. Both of you sit together and bring both of you to Completion.

I can give you example of this non-alignment between these five. When you are alone without that person, you may be feeling frightened, shivering, victim mentality; but you may be showing to the other person that you are very courageous, confident. I am not saying you need to show yourself to that person as a victim, frightened. No! Complete with that victim mentality, frightened mentality, fear mentality. Bring Completion into you. Show yourself as a complete being. Take responsibility for what he feels about you, and decide to have a right possibility and Completion with him. This is what I say, this is what I mean when I say “aligning”. Wherever you feel you are stuck, you are feeling the non-alignment, dig deep why this pattern started growing in you, when you started growing this pattern in you. Remember those incidents and pen down. Re-live them and relieve them till those patterns and incidents lose power over your cognition. Do this exercise at least eleven days with the other person.

Sometimes you may say, ‘What if the other person does not want to do, talk to me, or do this Completion, and does not believe in it?’ Don’t worry, you are capable enough to bring Completion in the other person. Completion is the one process you can do for the other person, because it is based, rooted on the experience of Oneness. You do this process for eleven days and bring Completion in you. You will see, the other person simply recognizes the space of Completion you are carrying, the other person simply responds to the space of Completion you are carrying, and the Oneness is awakened in the other person also. I am not talking about some theory; it is a science!

When you bring Completion in you, you will awaken Completion in the other person!

“Loneliness” and “Aloneness”

Just now I used both words in the same meaning. But in order to define both words deeply, in Sanskrit we have a word – “Kaivalya”; means, “aloneness”. “Loneliness” is, you want to have somebody to escape from you and your incompletions; that is “loneliness”. Even if you have the other person or not, you will be lonely. “Aloneness” is, you are so complete, so fulfilled, so powerful, you don’t need anybody to complete you, make you powerful, that is “aloneness”, whether you have the other person or not. Whether you have the other person or not, if you are complete with yourself, you are “alone”. Whether you have the other person or not, if you are incomplete with yourself, you are “lonely”. “Lonely” people attract slavery, abusive relationships. “Alone” people attract joyful, completing relationships, where not only they are complete, they complete the other person also.

People ask me to define “trying to improve others” vs “accepting the others as they are”.

Please understand, both are wrong!

Trying to improve the other, means, constant resistance. Accepting the others as they are, means, non-caring laziness. Both are wrong!

Be very clear, the other person is not one! Look into that person. All the Completion space that person carries, accept it as it is. Imbibe, imbibe so much that you feel one with it. All the powerlessness, even if it helps you to keep the other person under your control, don’t keep that alive; it is not good for you for a long term. Help that person to complete with that. Even if you know if that person completes from that incompletion he will leave you, help the person complete. He may leave you, but he will be living with you! He may not be able to stop living with you! I have seen so many people leaving me, but they can never stop living with me.

I tell you, the other person is not one!

That is an important understanding you need to have! Neither trying to improve the others, nor accepting the others as they are, is right. Try to complete the other person wherever he or she has the incompletions; accept the other person as they are wherever they have Completion.

People ask, ‘Commitment vs Responsibility in a relationship, Swamiji, please define?’

Please understand, if you constantly think from incompletion, powerlessness, and can constantly be thinking what all can go wrong, and trying to control only that, stop only that “what all can go wrong”, that is “Commitment”. “Responsibility” means, thinking from the powerful space “what all can go right”, and making that happen, working for that. “Responsibility” is working for what all can go right. “Commitment” is stopping, working to stop what all can go wrong. Commitment is “crisis management mood”, Responsibility is “creation mood”.

In a relationship, “Responsibility” means, constantly raising it to the next, next, next levels of Completion; “Commitment” means, trying to keep the plastic rose look like the real rose by spraying the perfumes. I tell you, “Commitment” is more like dragging; “Responsibility” is more like flowering. “Responsibility” means, feeling the present and future reality of both beings as one! “Commitment” means, somehow do actions, words, to keep it alive, keep going. There is a big difference between “Commitment” and “Responsible”.

What is the difference between “devotion” and “attachment”?

Ask me this question, because I am seeing tons and tons “devoted”, and thousands and thousands “attached”!

In “devotion”, you try to experience my space of Completion. In “attachment”, you try your best to pull me down to your level of incompletion. If you expect me to act in the same pattern you wanted, it is “attachment”. If you evolve in the space I am living and radiating, it is “devotion”. That is all! Very simple definition!

People ask me many times, ‘Swamiji, define Love vs Lust vs Passion.’

When you give the same space you wanted to the other person from the understanding of Oneness, when your beings experience the same reality, it is “Love”.When your bodies try to experience the same reality by exchange of muscle-memory and the physical touch, it is “Lust”. When your minds try to exchange the bio-memories and experience Oneness, it is “Passion”.

Please understand,

when your beings try to experience Oneness, it is “Love”.

When your emotions, interests, try to experience Oneness, that is “Passion”.

When your bodies try to experience Oneness, it is “Lust”.

All the three is nothing but trying to experience Oneness at various levels. If one leads to the higher levels of Oneness, everything is right. If one leads to the next level of Oneness, the body’s Oneness leads to the level of Passion’s Oneness, the Passion’s Oneness leads to the level of the Being’s Oneness, everything is right. When body’s experience of Oneness, if it leads you to explore the Oneness of the emotion, and the emotion’s Oneness leads you to the experience of Oneness of the Being, everything is right. If any one step does not lead you to the next step, it is wrong.

What is the best way to teach children about healthy relationships?

The best way is, educate them with the simple ideas how the friendliness strengthens them again and again. Do not add your selfishness into their being. Do not add your self-centred incompletions into their thinking part. Teach them to be powerful and complete. Teach them the joy of Completion. Teach them to relate from the space of powerfulness. Bring them to the eN-Genius program. We will teach them. We will give them the experience of powerfulness, relating from the space of Completion, and healthy relationships.

‘How to use love and the relationship as a gateway to enlightenment and higher consciousness?

This is very important! Please listen! Understand, you are nothing but a bunch of your patterns, past experiences. Same way, the other person also is nothing but a bunch of patterns, past experiences, mainly incompletions. Remember, whatever leads you to incompletion will be leading the other person also into incompletion. Remember, never to retain the other person in your life through incompletions. No! Trying to have the other person in your life through incompletions is psychological slavery. Most of the time, because you are dependent on the other person, you make the other person dependent on you subtly. When you understand you don’t want to be bound by somebody, you don’t want to be controlled, you don’t want to be under slavery, you don’t want the relationship with incompletions, when you understand that, having the clarity that the other person also does not want to be bound by incompletions, powerlessness, or slavery, giving the same space you want to have to the other person is what I call “Oneness”.

Giving the space you want to have to the other person also is “Oneness”! Giving the space you want to have to the other person also is “Oneness”, understand?

Love and relationship is the greatest way your own unknown part of you can be known to you by being mirrored by the other person.

I tell you, “beloved” is a person who awakens your own unknown parts of you to you. Even you will suddenly be shocked that you can fall in love so much, you can love so much!

“Beloved” is a person who awakens that deep friendliness dimension of you which was unknown to you.

“Lover” is a person who awakens that extreme friendliness and joy which was inside you, but unknown to you.

“Teacher” is a person who awakens the knowledge component of you which was inside you, but unknown to you.

“Beloved” is a person who awakens the love component of you, friendliness component of you which was inside you, but unknown to you. Your beloved, the other person, the “other” in the relationship, is a mirror of unknown components of you. When both of you mirror each others’ unknown components and start exploring, supporting each other to complete each other, this is the best path for enlightenment! That is the best path for enlightenment! I want to tell you, no one can be achieving enlightenment alone. No one can achieve enlightenment in loneliness. Even if he does not have relationship with a man or woman, he will be having relationship with a river, or a hill, or a tree, to achieve the Complete Completion and Enlightenment.

Relationship can be beautifully used as a Gateway to Enlightenment and higher consciousness when you decide not to put the other person in the space you don’t want to be put. If you don’t want incompletions, don’t give incompletions to the other person. If you don’t want slavery, don’t give slavery to the other person. The space you wanted, give the same space to the other person; you will see, both of you reach enlightenment!

People also ask me about the concept of “soul mates”: ‘Do they exist?’ ‘What does it mean practically?’

I want to tell you, “soul mates” exist only after you discover your soul, not before that! Unless you discover your soul, soul mates don’t exist. Unless you experience Completion, soul mates don’t exist for you. If you experience Completion, you will attract the right person to whom you will cause Completion, who will cause more and more Completion in you, you both will cause each others’ reality. When I use the word “Causing Oneness to each other”, means, causing each others’ reality, you don’t feel your reality is separate from that person, that person’s reality is separate from you. Both of you feeling your present reality and future reality is one and the same is what I call “experiencing Oneness”. When you know the other person’s reality is also the same as yours, you will have tremendous compassion, sympathy, true friendliness. That is what I call as “love”, “fulfilling relationships”. Soul mate is a person with whom you reverberate and both of you feel the present reality and the future reality is one and the same; they are soul mates. If you discover the soul, you will have soul mate.

How can I bring true love into a relationship to make it extraordinary?

The one and only way: Bring the experience of Oneness and Completion in both of you. Welcome to the Inner Awakening to experience the real true Completion, Oneness with the other person, where you complete the other person and the other person completes you, and the true love is experienced, where the true love is awakened. Understand, if you bring Completion to each other, the true love is awakened and the relationship becomes extraordinary, leads itself to the experience of Oneness.

How do I know if I am experiencing true love or just a mind game?

Understand, if the other person again and again makes you powerful, makes you experience the Oneness, you are experiencing true love; or, forget about it, it is all a mind game.

What is true love, and how do you experience it in your life?

True love is the experience, the way, method through which you connect with everyone with the basic cognition of Oneness. Please understand, the basic truth about life is Oneness. The vast energy field where all of us experience that Oneness, having that Oneness as a basic cognition, the way you relate with everyone, is “true love”.

“Fulfilling relationship” means, every relationship which reminds you again and again and gives you the experience of that Oneness, is “fulfilling relationship”. The person may be near you, far away from you, he may be your spouse, he or she may be your friend, whatever title, name you may give, as long as that being brings you to the powerful space and reminds you, makes you experience Oneness, it is “fulfilling relationship”.

True love is again and again reminding you of the space of Oneness, the unifying field of consciousness, and any thought, action, word, which comes from that experience of Oneness towards anybody, anything, is “true love”. Remember the basic truths about life of Oneness, you will naturally experience true love in your life.