Relationship

Many times you justify your guilt by labeling it as responsibility. No! How does one differentiate between guilt and responsibility? If you get into a low feeling when you think about it, it is guilt. If you feel intensity and integrity, it is responsibility. This is the clear scale. If you are pulled to low energy at the thought of what you did, then it is guilt. But if you feel good about it, then it is responsibility. Falling into guilt is a clear way of escaping responsibility. Once a man came to me complaining, ‘I am suffering. I have fourteen children.’ I asked him why he chose to have so many children. He replied, ‘Why? God gave me!’ The problem is, we do all that we want to do without taking responsibility for it. After doing it, we feel god made us do it! If we take up responsibility for every action, we will never land up in guilt or trouble.

All guilt related to extramarital affairs comes under this category of sheer lack of responsibility in behavior. Be very clear that extramarital affairs clearly show disrespect to another being, your spouse. You have no right to disrespect another being.

What is the meaning of the relationship of marriage?

Let me explain. Man as such is centered on muladhara chakra or the lust energy center in the body, and woman is centered on the swadhishthana chakra or the fear energy center in the body. That is why man gives in to lust easily and woman gives in to fear easily.

If you see during the traditional vedic marriage ceremony, in front of the sacred fire considered to be a representation of god, the man promises to the woman, ‘I shall give you security and release you from insecurity (fear).’ The woman promises to the man, ‘I shall give you love and free you from lust.’ Both of them decide to liberate the other from their weaknesses. Read Full Article

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In real life, we always look to express our love towards others in some tangible way. Only if love is demonstrated in tangible form, it is considered to be love nowadays. True love is like a communion. It is a resonance between two beings. It can be felt without any expression. It doesn’t need communication because it is already happening as a communion. If you really love a person, then your very body language will show it. It will be too much to express in words. You will feel that any words are inadequate and will only bring down the love that you feel. But if you are using words, then somewhere the love has not really happened. When you have to speak to express love, then somewhere there is a lie in it! You are using the words just to decorate the lie.

Real love liberates because it doesn’t compel you to express it all the time. It just is. Real love also gives you the freedom to freely express what you want to express. You can easily express anything like disapproval or anger and it will not be mistaken for reduced love. Not only that, with real love, there will be no domination or power play in relationships. Each person will be like a beautiful flower that has blossomed to radiate its unique fragrance, that’s all. With real love, there will be no fear or insecurity either.

In normal love, physical distance between two people causes a lot of insecurity and a lack of trust. Real love doesn’t look for utility. It operates on sheer trust and is also beyond space and time. These days I see people gifting each other with so many things to show their love. Gifting has become an expression of love. If the gifting happens as causeless overflowing, it is okay. We are totally relaxed anywhere in the world. Read Full Article

Mohandas Pai: Swamiji, why is there conflict in families between 2 people. Between spouses, why do people break up, don’t live happily, how to handle conflict and what causes this conflict?

Swamiji: Basically, you keep somebody as part of your cognition, but you are not ready to take the responsibility for how they expect you. See when….for example when you visualize….when somebody visualizes their joy, if they do not keep their spouse and children in that joy frame, then they don’t have to be responsible. If  they visualize fear, in that fear frame if something happening to their child, their spouse, is not there in that frame, then he doesn’t need to bother about what they think about him or how they hold him. When your joy frame, greed frame, life frames, has all of them as part of it, then we are responsible for how they hold us, what we stand for them, what is our commitments and relationships, what is our understandings and said-unsaid agreements. Not leaving any grey area, with the people who are in your life frame, is relationship.

Mohandas Pai: But Swamiji, this is very fascinating. Then, how do we relate to the rest of society? Read Full Article

Mohandas Pai: Swamiji, you know all of us want power in our lives, we want control, we want wealth, we want people to listen to us and this need for power in all human beings, is the root cause of much conflict, because this power is exhilarating, how do we overcome this need for power within our souls, within our body, within our lives?

Sri Nithyananda Swamiji: See first, when we are not able to handle our self, control our self, when we are not able to come to relationship with our self, we are trying to do this to others. For example, when you are not able to handle….when we are not able to handle our self  if we are trying to behave like giving up on us, we will give up on the society. If we are trying to behave like controlling us, we will control the society. How we feel with our self, the same way only we will feel with the world. If somebody is trying to control others and feel, controlling others give them joy, there is a deep vacuum in them that they are not able to control themselves. So they are struggling in controlling them selves. When we are struggling to control our self, we will also be struggling to control the world. 

If we come to completion with ourselves knowing clearly, ‘this all can be controlled’. For example my eating habit, sleeping habit, my digestion, all this can be controlled but my blood circulation, my breathing, all this cannot be controlled, that is actually good for me. When we know, ‘I myself put something in automatic gear, for my own benefit’, so this ‘what I put in automatic gear is not binding me, it is actually some of the responsibilities off from me, which I decided’. For example, our breathing pattern, our blood circulation, we put all of them into automatic, by us, it is our decision, we put them into automatic so that we can attend to something else.

End of the day, coming to the Source of everything, Context, and understanding everything, we are responsible, makes thousands of things clear.

When we start getting complete with our self, we will manifest the same completion with others. When we are not able to control our self, we will try to control us and control others. When we are not able to control our self and we give up on us, we will give up on us and give up on others.

Everything, the way we behave whether in a traffic signal or in our career or in our relationship, everything finally boils down to – ‘how we cognize us, how we behave with ourselves’. Our idea about us is the Source from which all this manifest. Even the need for the Power, is not always going to lead to a completion space or happiness space, we know!

Mohandas Pai: we know..

Swamiji: We know!

Mohandas Pai: Yes..we know…

Swamiji: But still!

Mohandas Pai: we do it…we still we do it…

Swamiji: I should say it’s a blind spot.

Mohandas Pai: blind spot…

Swamiji: We know our goal is not going to make us feel the way we want. See we want certain feeling at the end of the goal and we want something as the goal, even though we know this feeling and that goal is not going to come together, sometimes we just start travelling….towards any one direction. So I should say, it is more or less our own blind spots based on our blind spots inside us.

Mohandas Pai: Inside us but Swamiji, we live in a society, now we have relationships. We are children of a parent, we got friends, we marry, we have spouse’s, we have children, we have colleagues, we have Gurus. Now this need to find peace within. How does it correlate with the need to have relationships, can you let relationships dominate your life, how should two people deal with each other when they live together, they are part of a family?

Swamiji: With whoever we live, if we are remembering somebody or seeing somebody more than thrice a day, we are responsible for how they feel about us.

Mohandas Pai: we are responsible..

Swamiji: Yes! Sure, because they are part of us. See, when you cognize everything, for example, if you cognize your peace, can you exclude your spouse and kids and cognize your peace?

Mohandas Pai: No…

Swamiji: If you cognize your happiness, can you exclude them and cognize your happiness?

Mohandas Pai: No…

Swamiji: So if somebody is part of your cognition, they are part of you.

Mohandas Pai: We are all together…

Swamiji: They are part of you…us!

Mohandas Pai: They are part of us

Swamiji: Us! Whoever is part of you, when you cognize your fears, can you exclude them and calculate your fears? No. Something happens to them is also your fear.

Mohandas Pai: Yes…

Swamiji: When you cognize about your joy, can you exclude them and cognize?

Mohandas Pai: No…

Swamiji: So, whoever is part of your fear, your joy, your pleasure, your pain, everything happening to you, is part of you, so how you feel with them, how you feel about them, how they feel about you, for that you are responsible. Unfortunately, we always think,”Why should I be responsible for what they think about me?”

Mohandas Pai: Yes…

Swamiji: Which is see…you don’t need to be responsible for the person who goes in the street, passerby. How he feels about you, you are not responsible. You don’t need to be.

Mohandas Pai: Yes

Swamiji: Because he is not part of your life.

Mohandas Pai: Yes…

Swamiji: But everyone who is part of your life, now all titles you’ve described: spouse, son, father, daughter, Guru, all these relationships are not passerby people, people who walk in the street. They are part of your very cognition. In the cognition if they are part, how can you not be responsible for how they hold you or perceive you? The biggest blind spot all of us have is whoever is part of our thinking system….see for example when you visualize what is your joy – whoever is part of them, part of that visualization, when you visualize what is your fear – whoever is part of that visualization, when you visualize what is your happiness – whoever is part of that visualization – we are not even taking responsibility for what they think about us or how they hold us or how they perceive us!! Taking responsibility for everyone who is part of our cognition, how they feel about us, how they hold us, how they expect us – bringing Completion in that, means

if they are holding us in some way, expecting us to be something – either you make them understand that expectation is not going to become real or if you are very sure you are going it into reality, giving it as a commitment and removing the insecurity from them. This is what I call Completion.

Either you remove that expectation. The way they hold you or you make it as very vocal, oral, clear cut commitment and you stand by it. This removes, I can say 99% of the incompletions.

Let us enter into the sixth verse.  

यस्तु सर्वाणि भूतान्यात्मन्यॆवानुपश्यति ।

सर्वभूतॆषु चात्मानं ततॊ न विजुगुप्सतॆ ॥

Yasthu Sarvaani Bhoothaani Aathmanyeva Anupashyathi |

Sarva Bhootheshu Cha Aathmaanam Thatho Na Vijugupsathe ||

 Yes!

One who, indeed, lives by seeing as it is the whole Existence existing in the Consciousness, the Self itself, and the Consciousness existing in the whole Existence, by virtue of not seeing oneself as separate from the Consciousness, does not feel violated or hates anything existing.

“One who, indeed, lives by seeing as it is the whole Existence, all manifest and un-manifest beings existing in the Consciousness itself, and the Consciousness existing in the whole Existence, thus does not feel violated or hates anything existing, by virtue of not seeing oneself as separate from Consciousness.”

So the concept you have about you plays a very important, major role, in the way you live, the way you exist.

Understand, I am not searching for my other half, because I am not half!  I am already full!  I am complete!  So, what you experience about you, that decides your attitude about life, understand?  If you feel there is something other than you existing, you may have fear, or, feeling.  If you think the other part will complete you, you will have feeling, romance.  If you have an ounce of romance in the room, everything will be cleared, then fear will start happening; that’s all. Read Full Article

I tell you, Completion! Completion with yourself and with others is the most important ingredient of relationship. Love is actually the side-effect of the relationship. Completion is the main ingredient of relationship. Completion with yourself and Completion with others is the main ingredient of relationship. Please understand, ability to see the possibility in you is Completion with yourself, ability to see the possibility in others is Completion with others. So, Completion with yourself and Completion with others is the first ingredient for a successful relationship. Love is side-effect. When I say “Completion”, I mean your ability to look at your possibility instead of denying constantly yourself, loading yourself with all the impossibilities and past failures. So, denying yourself all possibility is incompletion, allowing your possibilities is Completion. Same way, seeing and allowing others possibility is Completion with others.